Sweet Fellowship

Did you read Tammy's blog entry? Oh, what a precious sister in Christ. I was so blessed to be a part of her life during our time in Abilene. As Anne of Green Gables would say, "She is a kindred spirit."
I posted her blog entry on mine, because so much of what her heart is struggling with...my heart is, too. I guess I should explain.
One of the many benefits of moving is finding things you had forgotten about. One such thing, is a Bible study I did almost 12 years ago called "Experiencing God...Knowing and Doing the Will of God, by Henry Blackaby." I've made it a habit over the years to save all my journals, studies, etc. never knowing when I might want to go back and reflect on them again or do the study another time. I have several of Beth Moore's, but this study is before she became so popular among women...very similar, though.
Oh, how timely it has been. Praise Jesus for giving us the Holy Spirit to work in our lives. The first day's scripture to reflect on was from Matthew 6:33-34, "...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." What a true statement. Take TODAY for example. Travis awoke with a spinal headache...though for 3 days he has followed doctor's orders to remain in bed, rest, and drink caffeine. He still was suffering after 48 hours of dealing with the pain...having had a procedure done on Monday to see a clearer picture of his herinated disc. Going to the ER was our last option. Fortunately, I was able to take him and drop him off and he was able to get a "Blood Patch" to relieve it. I could bring the girls back home and wait. Having done this before our ER visits usually take more than 4 hours. The girls and I came home and my contractions and pain continued...by the time I needed to pick Travis up, I was wondering if I could even drive...the pain was so intense. Fortunately, Labor and Deliver offered to check me out and make sure that today was not indeed the day Ellie decided to arrive...considering Travis was occupied with his own outpatient care. The neighbor who I have known for only two weeks was so kind to watch the girls for me. I was able to drive, and the Lord watched over me. I was checked and though I was having contractions every 10 minutes, Ellie was doing great and there was no need to admit me at that point. Travis was doing better, and we were able to come home. I was thinking at 2 o'clock today, "Oh, perhaps the scripture should read, even 1/2 days can have enough trouble of there own."
Needless to say, I'm struggling and scared...but the study is helping. Taken from the book, "What is God's will for my life? Is not the right question. I think the right question is, What is God's will? Once I know God's will, then I can adjust my life to Him. In other words, what is it that God is purposing where I am. Once I know what God is doing, then I know what I need to do. The focus needs to be on God, not my life."
The last month has been one of the hardest for our family that I can remember...so many uncertainities, so many unexpected disappointments, so much physical pain...But this study has helped me to mediate on this truth, "God has a purpose in all of this." I'm not sure what it is, but neither did Abraham know or Peter or Paul when they signed on to walk obediently with Christ. You don't see often in scripture God telling His servants the entire road map or what lies ahead. He just calls them to obedience.
My heart is wrestling with the idea of, "Am I dedicated enough to truly seek what God is doing in our present situation? Am I willing to accept that finding the answer to that question will require work on my part via more study of His Word, prayer, mediation, and outright obedience." As Tammy said, I can't just ask for God to help me get through this...but to increase my faith. Help my unbelief! So I pray this prayer, "Lord, I will continue to study Your Word to understand You more. I will remain obedient in my marriage, as a mother, as a friend...I will seek to see You and Your activity/purpose more clearly in my life. Help me Father, via Your precious gift, the Holy Spirit, to do just that. I want to TRUST YOU MORE!