For the last several weeks, I have been revisiting a Bible study I did almost 10 years ago called "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. It has been amazing to see again God's truth through a new set of eyes. Before I was a newlywed, now a mother of three little ones...a wife of 10 years.
It has been interesting to see what has changed...struggles/strongholds that were so hard 10 years ago, that no longer exist...and the new ones that have replaced them. Today's lesson really impacted me, and honestly, it is one that I've been wanting to journal about for awhile.
An excerpt from the study, "This year I followed my Bridegroom to a place of aloneness. I'm presently living in a place or phase of my relationship with Christ where I spend lots of time alone. All of the losses of the past year have introduced me to a new and unfamiliar place. I've grown closer to my Bridegroom than ever before, which miraculously makes me closer to my earthly mate. Yes, I feel that I followed Christ to a wilderness in this present season of my life; but, in seeking Him more frequently than ever, I've experienced His fulfillment."
Obviously, I don't know exactly what "losses" Beth is referring to. No one has died in my family. Praise the Lord. But I can most definitely relate to the aloneness she refers to and the dedication of wandering with someone only because you can't imagine life without them. The lost I experienced happen two years ago as we left Abilene and came to O'Fallon, IL. I lost the security of a wonderful church, friends, a life that was familiar and comfortable.
My two best traveling buddies were my husband and Christ. The two men in my life that I hope to never be without. As we got settled in here, I did seek God more. It is odd that I discovered a love for the Old Testament and a kinship with the Israelites as they wandered in unfamiliar territory. That was only the beginning...
Oh, don't worry, I have since made many new precious friends. But I feel different. I'm definitely a lot more introspective. I try not to get bogged down in the trivial, and Yes...gossip is trivial...if not down right sinful. What so and so has done or bought...no longer concerns me. In fact, little of what others think about me bothers me anymore.
God has captured my heart and in these quiet times with Him, I see a whole new vision for my life and the roles I play. Currently, God is convicting me of the beautiful opportunity I have to home school my girls. With our assignment to Washington D.C. becoming more of a reality and the high cost of a private Christian education, I feel more and more like teaching them myself...and not just a "Christian" version of a secular education, but a classical approach.
I steal many hours of the day reading resources about it, and when questions arise God seems to always place a person in my path to answer them. It is so different from the education I received, but so much richer. Next year, I'll begin the study of the Ancients with Carlie and Mollie. I couldn't be more excited. It will be so fun to dive into history and see God's hand from the beginning of creation till the fall of Rome, and then the next year, and the next year.
You can google more about what a classical education actually entails, but basically it is dedicating yourself to truly helping your children put on the full armor of God...to be willing to be different...to be willing to sacrifice...to be willing to see that history isn't, "Me and My Neighborhood" as one Social Studies company described it on their 2nd grade textbook. It is seeing the world through a lens that gives God all the glory and sees His hand in everything. It is action packed and far exceeds the Texas Essential Knowledge and Skills (basically the standard for what a child should know by the end of 1st-12th grade in Texas.)
It is more than just adding "Bible" as a subject to be taught. It is a lifestyle change. Practically speaking, we are limiting how much we watch the television. It is a struggle, but I'm intentionally dedicating more time to reading to my girls, memorizing scripture, shaping their worldview. It isn't about sheltering them as much as it is equipping them. The easier path is to turn on Sesame Street. The easier path is to get so involved and so busy with extracurricular things that we don't spend anytime together. There is a famous quote out there that basically says the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I want different results!!
Honestly, I've grown weary of my own lack of knowledge concerning the Bible. My own lack of having any intellect opinion about any of the issues that face our world today. My own brainwashed mentally of learning/education only happens between the hours of 8 and 3 p.m., and after 3 p.m. we get to have fun...as if learning isn't fun. I'm deciding to trust God on this and pray that if D.C. is our next place, to equip me to be the mom my girls need. As for me and my house we will serve the Lord. O Lord, reveal to me what that means. Guide me to truth and show me what you want for our family. Please, forgive me for my unbelief. Don't let me limit what You can do or place You in a box. Don't let me limit my dreams to what others say is the "right" thing to do.
Thank you so much for this time in the desert to see You in a whole new way.
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